The Aftermath
If you know us well, you know we are go big, dig deep and plant roots kind of people and building (whether home additions, ministries or people), is very much at the core of who we are. I understand how it must look to those on the outside looking in, How could a husband and a father of 5 up and leave with no job set in place and no time frame in order? Simply put, faith. So often we get all our “ducks in a row” before we take what we call that "step of faith." We make it look pretty, predictable to a degree, manageable and we leave our own fingerprints all over our life’s course. I don’t mean to judge, but I see it all the time in Christian circles. "We prayed about our kids teacher," meanwhile behind the scenes those same praying parents are making teacher recommendations. “My husband is coaching all our kids sports teams this year, we feel so blessed,” blessed, but lets be honest, you re also stretched thin and cloaked in control. "We like having all of our kids friends over to our house, so we can spy out who their friends are and what they act like." Huh, if you know your kid well, your going to know the types of friends they will choose. As Christians, we love to say we have faith, and God is in control, but only after we pray a little and then manipulate our surroundings a lot.
We have never gone through life like this. I'll be honest, we have been tempted to give it a try. We are month to month waiting to see where and if God calls us to stay or go. I have been asked, in the past, what our plans are for the future? I never have had an answer. And it strikes me everytime as the oddest question. Why would we have a plan? Our plan is to pray, wait, to ask for faith when it lacks, and to walk through doors that are opened and try not to pry open doors that are closed.
To those who think a .500 football record could be the reason, that is simply not the case. God’s goodness and blessing isn’t defined by wins. What God values in a football team is not what man values, and we never place our success or job plans on a football record. It’s an easy trap to fall into, that winning teams are blessed and losing teams are not. If God is a holy, eternal, supernatural, all powerful being, why would I think His views of blessing would be carnal, temporary, and man-made? God is concerned with matters of the soul, salvation, redemption, forgiveness …His son Jesus didn’t die so we could accumulate wins, press conferences, or praise from local newspapers.
This team is the first team that Brian felt like was his, and in just the last month, it became and resembled a team he had hoped to build upon arriving at MNU. These players bought in and believed. We love them. We are proud of them. His football record at MNU doesn’t hold a candle to the amount of lives that were changed by the truth of who Jesus Christ is and his gospel of salvation.
To those who think Brian must be in the midst of a “mid-life crisis,” this couldn’t be further from the truth. We talk regularly and often, and not just surface conversations about our kids sports teams, the weather, or work, we talk deep, we talk in step with the Spirit, and we don’t shy away from honesty. We truly go about life this way. We don’t make too many plans of our own. We pray, we talk to each other, and we obey. We have a pulse on one another's hearts, discouragements, hopes. Over the decision to walk away from football, we had many “come to Jesus” talks. The ugly crying kind. We pressed in, we were torn apart, literally wrecked, but finally there was a bend that broke Brian. It was 1am and he admitted it was a faith issue for him and pride, that was keeping him here in KS. What may seem crazy and brash to those on the outside looking in, is actually what hands-off faith in a God that orders our steps, not to impress others or project comfort, looks like. We are determined to know our identity and value are found in Him. Brian has never been more reliant upon Christ, than he is today. So, no yellow Corvette for him yet.
To those who think “Why?” or who struggle with knowing Brian apart from football, we are waiting upon the Lord. His latest life move, might seem crazy or irresponsible. It might not look pretty and our next chapter may be filled with all kinds of discomfort, maybe it makes you uncomfortable :). We might not like every step of the journey ahead. No worries, because God isn't after warm fuzzies all the time and he isn't only present when things make sense. Life hasn’t felt this right for me in a long time. The day after our 1am “come to Jesus” talk, I felt free. Truly free, as if I had stepped out of the shadows and into the light for the first time in years. There is something in me that gets set ablaze when there is no knowledge of the road ahead. I love to live in the wild. I am loved by God and He knows me deeply and if he was with me in the darkest shadows Kansas life cast on me, then how much more will His glory be found in the light. Growth comes in all different ways and beauty can come from dark places. >>>More on that in the next blog<<<
“Faith adds its “Amen’ to God’s “Yes” and then takes its hands off, leaving God to finish His work.”
"True faith relies on God and believes before seeing. Naturally, we want some evidence that our petition is granted before we believe, but when we “live by faith” (2 Cor. 5:7), we need no evidence other than God’s Word.”
-excerpts taken from Streams in the Desert
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